There are certain things people can do or say to automatically make people cringe. For instance, if I say the words "Eyeball" and "Papercut" within the span of three to four minutes, I have a dear friend whom at other times while appearing quite manly, in this situation will scream like a second grade girl who just had worms put in her hair. I have the fortune of being friends with numerous nurses and people who have worked at hospitals. I have a pretty strong stomach, but one of my friends told me a story of a guy who was high on crystal meth. Those are always interesting stories because people on crystal meth usually have some kind of inhuman strength. This particular story involved a man ripped out his various IVs and attached medical equipment. Just reviewing the words I just wrote makes me cringe and cradle my arms.
For anyone who has read the second book of Samuel in the old testament, we have a similar reaction when we hear the name Tamar. We have a more sympathetic reaction, but it's the same feeling that rends our heart with empathy for this woman. In an opposite reaction, we hear the name Amnon and we are filled with anger. A ironic hatred for someone named "Faithful".
In chapter thirteen we are introduced to this woman named Tamar.
v. 1-2: Absalom son of David had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon [her half brother] son of David loved her. And Amnon was so troubled that he fell sick for his [half] sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and Amnon thought it impossible for him to do anything to her.
Most bibles translate the description of Tamar as "Fair". But "yapheh" in Hebrew means "Beautiful, Handsome". In the verses following, Amnon devises a plan to rape Tamar. God in his sovereignty, however, clearly gives Amnon a way out of the deed multiple times. In verse four it says Amnon's friend Jonadad had to actually ask Amnon what was going on. Amnon didn't just go around talking about it. He kept it to himself which was obviously the smarter choice. In verse nine when Tamar brings Amnon food she doesn't go according to the plan. Instead of putting herself in a situation where they would be alone she took the pan and "emptied it out before him". In verses twelve and thirteen Tamar refuses again trying to reason with Amnon, warning him that he will "be considered one of the stupid fools of Israel" and that if he truly loved her to "speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you". Not only is he given a chance to silence the problem, and repent privately, but he is given a chance to let the opportunity pass by, repent publically, and then he's handed the invitation to still get what he wants in a law abided way! Who wouldn't do that?!
Needless to say Amnon refuses. Set in his boorish ways, Amnon is faithful, but sadly he is faithful to his "troubled sickness". Not only does Amnon disgrace her, but then he rejects Tamar and sends her away alone and desolate. And Tamar to the best of our knowledge stayed alone. In verse twenty it is said that Absalom tells Tamar to "take not this matter to heart". Oh it will be fine! You've just lost your virginity by force and been shamed by an entire nation to stay lonely the rest of your life. What a hopeful situation. The verse continues to say that Tamar remained in Absalom's house, a desolate woman. Desolate here is the word "shamem"m which means deserted. It's no guess that she was left alone after this. She probably grew to be an old woman, with no husband but only surrounding herself with women with a broken trust and a leper like standing in society.
Thankfully, that's not the end of Tamar.
In the remaining fifty-six books of the bible Tamar is mentioned once. Soon following this event and after Absalom takes his revenge against Amnon, killing the rapist, Tamar is mentioned in a short aside. I'm sure just as any daughter Tamar often went to her father in times of trouble asking the question, "Daddy, am I beautiful?" I'm sure after the event with Amnon she might have been afraid to ask that question. I'm sure she was afraid of what the answer might be. I'm sure in her own mind there was no point in asking because she already knew the answer. Well, she knew what she thought the answer would be.
In verse twenty-seven of the chapter directly after her rape, Tamar is unveiled again. Not as a recovering victim. She is not unveiled as an old, broken woman imbittered towards the male gender. She is not even unveiled as a woman of acceptable stature from years of repentence and pardon from the Head Priest.
Needless to say Amnon refuses. Set in his boorish ways, Amnon is faithful, but sadly he is faithful to his "troubled sickness". Not only does Amnon disgrace her, but then he rejects Tamar and sends her away alone and desolate. And Tamar to the best of our knowledge stayed alone. In verse twenty it is said that Absalom tells Tamar to "take not this matter to heart". Oh it will be fine! You've just lost your virginity by force and been shamed by an entire nation to stay lonely the rest of your life. What a hopeful situation. The verse continues to say that Tamar remained in Absalom's house, a desolate woman. Desolate here is the word "shamem"m which means deserted. It's no guess that she was left alone after this. She probably grew to be an old woman, with no husband but only surrounding herself with women with a broken trust and a leper like standing in society.
Thankfully, that's not the end of Tamar.
In the remaining fifty-six books of the bible Tamar is mentioned once. Soon following this event and after Absalom takes his revenge against Amnon, killing the rapist, Tamar is mentioned in a short aside. I'm sure just as any daughter Tamar often went to her father in times of trouble asking the question, "Daddy, am I beautiful?" I'm sure after the event with Amnon she might have been afraid to ask that question. I'm sure she was afraid of what the answer might be. I'm sure in her own mind there was no point in asking because she already knew the answer. Well, she knew what she thought the answer would be.
In verse twenty-seven of the chapter directly after her rape, Tamar is unveiled again. Not as a recovering victim. She is not unveiled as an old, broken woman imbittered towards the male gender. She is not even unveiled as a woman of acceptable stature from years of repentence and pardon from the Head Priest.
There were born to Absalom three sons and one daughter whose name was Tamar; she was a beautiful woman.
In the completely restoring manner that God often grants us, Tamar is counted beautiful. After the troubles she has been thrown upon, after the disgrace shown to her, and after her father denies the importance of her sorrows, she is called beautiful. To a testament of God's restoring power in her life as well as ours, one thing stands out like a sore thumb. The word in this sentece that we translate into "beautiful"? The word the writer uses is "yapheh". If you aim your eyes to the first verse of the previous chapter you'll find that the same word that describes the essence of who Tamar is before that life-shattering and soul crippling event is the same word that she is called after.
"Daddy, am I beautiful?"
I bet she was never ready to hear the same word afterwards.
"Daddy, am I beautiful?"
I bet she was never ready to hear the same word afterwards.
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