Day 25 - "If I sing at the top of my lungs it won't say a thing if I haven't love."

For those just joining us, read Day 1's caveat.

I knew coming into this project it would bring a new perspective on things I had never before imagined. I have been through times of solidarity, I have been times of speechlessness, and I'm still trying to find "my story" among a sea of what seems uncertain sometimes.

Today I realized two very big things:

1) I have something to say

2) I don't love people nearly enough.

There's got to be a reason why anything Seth Roberts (Watashi Wa, Lakes) does immediately hits home for me. I'm not sure what it is, but every word of this song relates to me in some way.

I find that there are times in my life where I have to go at it alone. May it be for a day or a year, aloneness has been very much a part of my life. Likewise, I have spent months going to bed thinking that there was no way I would make it through my life. But the best parts of my life are the moments where I know God has me so close there is nobody around but Him. He is close, I am so empty and I couldn't be happier.

Through all of this I have a story to tell. But without love, it means nothing. To do "nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit..." or to "value others above yourselves" is difficult. I said this morning to a room full of teenagers that this world makes it really easy to see others' selfishness and avoid our own. Philippians suggests that sharing in the Holy Spirit of God, bringing joy to other believers and sharing in one love entails holding others' needs over your own (Phil 2:4). Can we honestly say we do that?

Can we honestly say that in the story we have to share, that above everything else, we have love? Because otherwise, it doesn't matter. And you will know it when everything comes crumbling to the ground.

"The plans that I make... they fail miserably."

Living to die? Dying to live?

"For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die." Phil 1:20

It's an amazing accomplishment to know that in someone's death, they can actually make as much of an impact if not more than when they were alive. Since his death, Michael Jackson has sold over 2 BILLION albums. If he's really still alive, this was the greatest hoax the world has ever seen. Much like if Christ is really did, that would be an even larger hoax. Paul says that even in his own death, the life he had led would bring honor to Christ. Can we honestly say that about ourselves?

"For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don't know which is better. I'm torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live."

After losing a good amount of the mentors I would consider most noble and respectable already in life, I can honestly say your life can shine bright. However, your death can shine brighter. Sadly, nobody remembers the charitable, kind, good spirited man who picks a fight with the wrong person. Then again, people often remember those young in their pursuit towards caring for the world who leave us when we're not ready.

The difference is is the consistency. Paul hits the nail on the head and hopefully reminds us to keep hammering away when he says, "I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die."

Keep hammering away, just as you have. And expect, and hope that you never have a sore thumb.